Over at Books, Mud and Compost there has been much bemoaning of the life presented to the modern female child with girl's materialism being increasingly sexualized. A similar theme at the Fidra Blog notes the presence of pedicures, of all things, in girl's 'pink covers' fiction. With a week to go to Good Friday it seems a good time to reflect upon the increasingly material way we treat our traditional festivals and to heartily recommend Daring to be Different: Being a Faith Family in Secular World by Sarah Johnson. If you are not of a religious disposition please don't be put off by the title as though a Christian outlook is presumed, there is much food for thought her for those of other faiths, those of a spiritual tendency but no overt faith, and those who would just like to restrain the current rampant consumerism of Easter and Christmas.
Of interest to many will be the chapters on Advent and Lent. Earlier in the book the author notes that we should, "question our traditions, scrutinise our values and morally re-invent ourselves, everyday if necessary", and this she does expertly for these two focal points of the Christian year. With Advent Johnson dates the slide away from vigil to shopping as beginning in 1867 when a New York department store stayed open on Christmas Eve until midnight for the first time. So, her antidotes? Well sticking with the Easter theme, I love her "Busy Family's Forty-day Lent Plan". Her ideas on things to do as a family are both worshipful and practical and will surely give rise to many more ideas of your own. Ideas include thinking about Lenten abstinence in the widest sense of the world's resources, perhaps give up the car one for a day, or if that is really impossible then ban the in-car entertainment and talk to each in stead. Spend time with your child looking at a globe: where do you live? where do friends and relatives live? how much is sea or land? how much is hot or cold? How do our actions impact upon this planet?. Think about Jesus' time in the wilderness and how he was tempted to use his special powers for his own pleasure. What are special gift each member of your family has and how can they be helpful or give pleasure to others? unlike like the material world of chocolate eggs this is an Easter that teaches value, of ourselves, our families, and our world.
Also of interest is her Alien Game chapter where as well as dealing with the difficulties of feeling different in a secular world she suggest a regime of self-analysis that would benefit most families. Stand outside your house, at least metaphorically, as though you are an alien. How would you view the people in there, their lives, their work, their play, their happiness, their interactions? By giving yourself a bit of distance you can see things more clearly. This technique could clearly be applied to a small business, or a classroom too. Once you've looked at the people you live and work with, then think about your roles, if it is as a parent then clearly the onus for improvement of what you saw is on you. Johnson then breaks down problems of interaction into self help steps which are particularly effective for learning to listen (both for adult's and children) and for rules and boundaries.
And boundaries brings us back neatly to the start of this post: children. They obviously need boundaries but boundaries have been given such a bad name. Hidebound. All sounds very negative and enclosed. But as Johnson points out boundaries make us feel safe, and paradoxically it is only when we feel safe we can get the most out of what we explore.
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