I recently came across what I think is my favourite ever literary rendition (and reaction) of a school report:
'Mary is a dear little girl,' it began, in the chatty, unscholastic style favoured by Miss Carson, 'but we find a tendency in her to resent authority to the point of resistance. Although she is a bad mixer, being at the same time intolerant and unconfident of others and disinclined to enter into the life of the community. But her heart is right, and we feel sure that when she has overcome the difficulties of a rather reserved nature, she will mature into a fine woman.'
'God forbid!' said Uncle Geoffrey when he read it. 'Sounds like Clara Butt as Britannia. These school-marms give me the pip. Why can't they just say: at the moment she's a blister, but there's hope?'
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